The Relly Awards

Jenn and I are serial ABC Good Morning America viewers. Well, viewers insomuch as the TV is set to wake us up and we leave it on the local ABC affiliate. This morning our sedentary ways got the better of us and Live with Regis & Kelly started before I could grab the remote and hit mute.

During the segment I half-watched through slit eyelids, I saw that they’re holding their horribly-named 3rd annual Relly Awards. The category in the spotlight today was “Best Non-Human Guest”, a crowded mish-mosh of costumed performers and robots that also includes a two-headed snake, Miss Piggy, Chewbacca and The Philly Phanatic.

Decorum, good form and the name of this blog would dictate that I vote for Miss Piggy, but I’m on the fence. A two-headed snake seems pretty rock-n-roll for a morning show and the Philly Phanatic gets points for faux-sexual grinding up on Kelly Ripa. In the end, though, I think the Jack Russell Terrier (named “Jack”, natch) and his non-human counterpart, Mariah Carey, were the best. Any idiot who would name their pet Jack Russell “Jack” and then do a stupid pet trick of lifting the dog off the ground via a ball held in his mouth is just not right in the head.

Feel free to stuff the ballot box yourself. And in all honesty, I’ll likely vote Piggy in the end. She’s the only “woman” haughtier than Mariah or Kelly combined.

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