For the record, the stomach both sucks AND blows.

Here, then, is my recipe for a sick day:

  • 32 oz. Gatorade, Lemon-Lime
    I feel guilty having to use the crutch of a Gator-labelled product during the week of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party (Go Dawgs!) but no Powerade was available. I’m suffering twice.
  • 17 Saltine Crackers
    Yes, I kept count
  • 2 Catherine Keener movies.
    Most of Being John Malkovich and the tail end of Death to Smoochy, both on Comedy Central
  • 1 hour of Celebrity Poker on Bravo
    Kevin Nealon won.
  • 90 minutes of blissful slumber
  • No Vomitting
    Yay!

Stay tuned for the next sickness, when you’ll hear our hero decry the lack of soft bathroom tissue in the loo.