For the record, the stomach both sucks AND blows.

Here, then, is my recipe for a sick day:

• 32 oz. Gatorade, Lemon-Lime
  I feel guilty having to use the crutch of a Gator-labelled product during the week of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party (Go Dawgs!) but no Powerade was available. I’m suffering twice.
• 17 Saltine Crackers
  Yes, I kept count
• 2 Catherine Keener movies.
  Most of Being John Malkovich and the tail end of Death to Smoochy, both on Comedy Central
• 1 hour of Celebrity Poker on Bravo
  Kevin Nealon won.
• 90 minutes of blissful slumber
• No Vomitting
  Yay!

Stay tuned for the next sickness, when you’ll hear our hero decry the lack of soft bathroom tissue in the loo.