Before I ramble on with my rant, I’d like to announce that I’ve finally (after 15 months of effort) made the grade as a “Pledge” in Taco Mac’s passport club. Two points, to be fair:

  1. I actually became a pledge on May 3 of this year, but didn’t get the tee
  2. We’ve only been to Taco Mac sparingly since Owen was born, which is more like an excuse

Here’s a rundown of the beers that carried me over the threshold, newlywed-style:

  • Abita Purple Haze
  • Blue Moon
  • Boddington’s Pub Ale
  • Beck’s Light
  • Bud Light
  • Coors Light
  • Erdinger Weissbeer
  • Hoegaarden
  • Kira Wit
  • Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat
  • Paulaner Hefeweizen
  • Samuel Adams Octoberfest
  • Woodpecker Cider

I’d argue that I didn’t drink half of these beers, but Taco Mac’s database has always been a bit sketchy. I once ordered a Sweetwater 420 and the bill showed a Dogwood Pale Ale so draw your own conclusions about my memory and their bookkeeping.

Here’s what I drank tonight and how they were charged to the bill:

  • Flying Dog Old Scratch

    • Billed as Flying Dog Special

  • Tommyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale

    • Billed as Tommyknocker Imperial. Tommyknocker makes an Imperial Nut Brown Ale so who knows what I drank.

But I digress. The real reason I’m blogging tonight, save a slight buzz, are three pieces of bad beer news:

  1. The first, Anheiser-Busch is making a nationally-distributed “American Ale”.

    2. Pardon me if I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

  2. Jessica Simpson is the new spokesperson for Stampede Light Beer

    3. See previous pithy commentary.

  3. Molson Coors are idiots for not letting the U.K.’s Carling brand promote their iPint application here in the States.

    4. I supposed they’re waiting to roll out a Golden version (Molson for Canada, Coors/Banquet Beer [Golden, Colorado] for the U.S.) but I’m not buying it.

    I want my free beer emulator for the iPhone! Who would pay for iBeer?

Here’s their email to me, complete with my message and the LENGTHY Molson Coors boilerplate masthead for shits and giggles.

Free the iPint!

Oh, and have a happy, safe and reproductive weekend (beer included).

Hello

Apologies for any disappointment, but Carling marketing is only intended for the UK and European markets.

The Carling Team
- Show quoted text -

——– Original Message ——–
From: “Seth Miller”
Date: 19:45 Wed, 6th Aug 2008

I don’t live in the UK but I do enjoy Carling.

Is there any way for me to get iPint on my iPhone?

Thx!

-Seth

Molson Coors is the fifth largest brewer in the world, formed by the merger of equals in 2005 of Molson and Coors. With executive offices in Denver and Montreal, its major markets are the UK, Canada and the USA. Coors Brewers Limited is the UK’s 2nd largest brewer with a 20%+ market share. Brands include Carling, the UK’s biggest selling lager, Grolsch one of the UK’s leading premium lagers and Coors, an American style premium lager.

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Coors Brewers Limited, 137 High Street, Burton-on-Trent, Staffordshire, DE14 1JZ.
Registered in England Number 26018
Tel: +44 1283 511000
Copyright 2006 Coors Brewers Limited

So, to recap:

Blondes with big boobs, region encoding and big breweries taking microbrewery tactics are no ways to market beer.

Thank you!