Tuesday Night Hot Sauce Club

Welcome to yet another installment of my sporadic and food-centric series on me eating hot sauces I get from Firehouse Subs. (I know, right? This is like a highlight reel of all Blogging ’12, but stick with, it gets better).

Tonight’s entrants both rated 8s on the Firehouse Subs severity index [actual name: unknown] and one of them damn near cost me my life. No lie.

Here’s a visual aid for folks still confused about this whole exercise. Yes, it’s really all about hot sauce.

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The hot sauce on the left is Brother Bru-Bru’s Very Hot African Hot Pepper Sauce. This sauce has 0mg of sodium and tasted fantastic. A great, spicy heat that came on only after I swallowed a bite.

This was definitely a solid 8 on the 10-point heat scale but maybe a 9 from a taste and overall enjoyment scale. I would definitely eat this hot sauce again and, if I can find it locally, I’m buying a bottle for home. Nothing fruity or too garlic-y, just great, savory heat almost like the hot sauce equivalent of cumin.

The hot sauce on the right, in contrast, was a lot like eating molten road tar. It was extremely hot (more like a 9 or 10 on my heat scale), it had little to no flavor to speak of and it coated my tongue and mouth making it nearly impossible to eat anything afterwords without tasting the sauce.

In short: stay away from Liquid Stoopid. In general I should learn to avoid any hot sauce that include capsaicin extract as an ingredient. Duh (at least the naming convention of this one is accurate).

It should have been a sign for me to stop eating this sauce – and I did try multiple tastes because BLOGGING FOR YOU PEOPLE – when my scalp and eyelids (yes, eyelids) started sweating after the second bite. I suffer for my craft or at least I soldier through hot sauce for meager digital jollies.

One good hot sauce out of the pair and I still have full use of all my limbs and partial use of my frontal lobe. Not entirely a loss, everybody.

Until next time (when I eat Firehouse) keep wondering why non-regular food-related blogging isn’t the absolute darling and pinnacle of the online world. I know I’ll keep trying to figure it out!

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