Not that I ever thought reality television was truly “reality” but VH1’s latest offering, the just-ended Scott Baio is 45 … and Single, takes the cake for being the most thoroughly deceiving and deceitful exercise in this tired genre of “Celebreality” to use VH1’s marketing slogan.

I should have known something was up when I saw the name Eric Bischoff in the credits. How does a man associated with Wrestling make an honest reality show? He doesn’t, just ask Bischoff or Hulk Hogan.

Here, though, the real criminal is Jason Hervey. You know, I didn’t like him as Wayne Arnold (Kevin’s younger brother) on The Wonder Years, but I warmed to him here.

He was kind. He was a good foil to Scott because he was married. He was non-threateningly short.

He was a liar and an executive producer, just like Scott.

Where was Jason during that finale? Why would he have ordered that ice sculpture if he didn’t know about the engagement, the pregnancy or both? Why was I watching this?

Well, Scott Baio is a decent sitcom actor. He plays the role of put-upon everyman really well, and it turns out he was doing just that in his “reality” show.

Turns out everyone has been in on the joke - save for the viewers - since the beginning. Here’s the evidence:

E! Online
Celebrity Baby Blog
The Hollywood Gossip

Presumably this information could have been embargoed only so the ending of the series wasn’t ruined for “fans” (like me, I suppose) but I’m theorizing that VH1 execs were sold on a tale of redemption for an aw-shucks lothario who finds a path to wedded bliss and fatherhood in 8 installments before the camera rolls.

I’m guessing Renee (that’s the fiancee nee girlfriend) came to Scott with news of her pregnancy and they saw it as an opportunity to boost both their careers. Their own version of Newlyweds (Nick & Jessica Simpson) or Tori & Dean: Inn Love, now with more Chachi!

The whole thing just reeks. Hervey’s performances as the dutiful, responsible buddy. Johnny V’s antics of the single man. Renee’s friendship with Scott’s exes and Doc Ali’s “sessions”. Poor woman even has homework in the form of video blogs for all of us struggling with love. She even claims that she didn’t know Scott was going to propose or that Renee was pregnant.

I call Bullshit!
The Producers knew!
Scott knew!
Renee knew!
Jason Hervey and Eric Bischoff knew!
VH1 knew!

Well, fuck you, VH1! If it weren’t for Best Week Ever I wouldn’t even be watching your air or reading your website, so I guess I’m losing those as well. It’s on to The Soup for me; they aren’t above biting the hand that feeds them and calling Bullshit when the situation warrants.

Oh, and those Rock or Love women ARE pornstars. Kudos.

Yeah, you won’t see me back for Season 2. Assholes.

UPDATE: Dear. Lord. No.