"Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet… but man (laughs). So to answer your question, I don't know." – Homer Simpson, "A Fish Called Selma"
Since I’m all about airing grievances here, there and everywhere, I thought I’d do what I do best: bitch in a bulleted list.
The fact that my kids (and, therefore, myself) are aging.
I just had a birthday (where I vented my spleen), Owen is repeating the last word of every sentence we utter and Raelyn asked about the origins of man the other. No kidding.
It went like this:
Rae: Mom & Dad?
Us: Yes.
Rae: How did the first person get born?
Us: [Reverent silence while we waited for her to finish her thought]
Rae: I mean, if people come out of Mommies’ tummies then where did the first people come from?
I won’t recount the entire exchange, but Jennifer hit the highlights of the Judeo-Christian Creationism versus the Agnostic/Atheist Evolution arguments and ended with this flourish:
“Dad & I feel strongly that people evolved over many thousands of years, but you’ll have to decide for yourself how things happened when you get older.”
Can I just say, amid the doom-n-gloom, how much I LOVE my wife. I could only be happier had she mentioned Pastafarianism/The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The fact that intelligent people see problems and do nothing to solve them.
If you still follow me on Twitter or Facebook, bless you. I’m dealing with a ton of lunacy/idiocy and I’m not nearly as level-headed as I should be.
I never plan out my birthday – presents I want, places I’d like to visit, things I’d enjoy doing – and so my best birthdays have been the one where Jenn (who knows me perfectly) does the heavy lifting. See my 30th birthday recap for evidence.
Anyhow, since it’s a Friday and we’re less than a fortnight (that’s 2 weeks for those of you scoring at home) from #32, I thought I’d offer a (mostly) tongue-in-cheek list of things I want for my birthday.
Plus, I’ve done nothing but lists all week, so why change now?
A glass skull as a bottle? Check.
Dan Aykroyd as your pitch man/financial backer? Check.
An 8-minute ad that reads like a Ghostbusters 3 viral video? Check.
I *so* have to own a bottle of this stuff. For my birthday.
A suit to make me look like Don Draper
I’m completely harping on the topic of Mad Men, but since I’m going as Don Draper for Halloween, I need the suit.
I would never really pay €18.00 for this (or expect a loved on to do so) but I think I’ve earned an honorarium or some kind. Maybe a WoW action figure for my desk at work?
Other than these things (and some new headphones and a new iPhone case – both of which will be purchased this weekend) I couldn’t be happier.
I really don’t need more stuff in my life. I just want more time to be with the folks I love, taking advantage of all the stuff.