First, let me state that I am grateful for the fine folks here at Mostly Muppet Dot Com for the opportunity to rebut the claims of one M.B. Cluckerton – if indeed that is her real name – in this forum.
I should also lay the groundwork that I am speaking only on my own behalf and not at the behest nor with the express approval of Disney Muppet Global. The opinions expressed herein are my own and in no way indicative.
Having said all of that, give me a f@$%ing break!
You’re gonna believe some chicken$^!t chicken over your own two eyes?!
Please. If you wanna listen to that old clucker, I’ve got a lit canon you can inspect. Completely safe, I promise.
I’m not even that upset that M.B., who I knew as Mabel, chose to air what she believes to be the truth. I get being disgruntled, I really do.
I’ve never been the headliner of the old Muppet marquee (or the new one) and you don’t see me running to the press do you? No, you don’t.
Sure, I’m here now, but that’s because she made it personal when she mischaracterized herself as my “539th domestic partner”.
Lies. Utter lies.
As any idiot with felt eyeballs could tell you, I’ve been in a loving, monogamous relationship with Camilla for almost 40 years now.
Have things always been perfect? No. Do I have a bit of a wandering eye? Who doesn’t. Am I a poultry bigamist? No G0*&()! way! NO HOW!
Listen, Mabel was bit player who always showed up on time and hit her marks. There’s plenty of other gals, Ms. Piggy to name one, who couldn’t be bothered to rehearse with half as much heart as Mabel gave, but that’s show business.
Mabel didn’t like that sad fact and who can blame her. She’s out now and, hopefully, happier for it.
But to besmirch all our efforts and, especially, my good name well that’s beyond the pale.
And I’m the weirdo who conducted LiebestrÃ¤ume while battling a crab, so I know from talent, hard work and “beyond the pale” and you, madam, Mabel, M.B. – whatever the f@$! your real name is, have crossed the line.
Gonzo, formally known as “The Great Gonzo” or “Gonzo the Great,” is the resident daredevil performance artiste on The Muppet Show.
We here at Mostly Muppet Dot Com would like to sincerely thank Gonzo for his candid thoughts on this matter.
Also, go get a copy of The Muppets on DVD or Blu-Ray. You won’t be sorry. We promise.
For all the folks still reading:
1) Go home 2) This was all just parody. Please, if you’re Disney, don’t sue.
But while we’re waiting, I’d like to take this opportunity to think positively and assume they’ll get the gig. Here, then, are my three suggestions for how The Muppets should light the lights and get things started at the 2012 Academy Awards:
Go BIG (musically)
If viewers and fans fall all over themselves when Neil Patrick Harris hosts an awards show, just imagine how nuts things would get with a Muppet musical number to open the show.
The Oscars are the ultimate variety show spectacle and The Muppets have that genre nailed. Start the music.
Winner’s speech running long? Presenter’s jokes falling flat? Have Sweetums come on stage and physically threaten a celebrity or two. Problem solved.
Statler & Waldorf
They bring the heckling sensibilities of Ricky Gervais without all the previous awards show baggage. What actor could seriously have a problem being razzed by a Muppet?
Give them the balcony seats already!
In the very unlikely event this is more than a pipe dream, The Academy should seriously hire Jason Segel to write/produce, have Steve Martin as a special guest star and watch as every Gen X TV set in America tunes in.
If you’ve been forwarded a strange trailer for the fictional film “Green With Envy” this week, don’t worry; it’s just a teaser trailer for the upcoming movie, The Muppets.
Jason Segel is behind the script and stars in the movie alongside Amy Adams. Noticeably absent from the trailer?: Statler & Waldorf providing a final, biting commentary on how terrible the trailer is. (Hint: it isn’t).
Also making their way around the intertubes this week is a two-part interview of Andy Samberg conducted by none other than Sesame Street resident (and serial co-habitator) Bert. The videos were posted to YouTube from the official Sesame Street account but I can’t really see a child enjoying these as comedy, but maybe I didn’t really understand the parody of Kermit the Frog interviewing “Miami Mice” either.
Conversations with Bert: Andy Samberg, Part 1:
Conversations with Bert: Andy Samberg, Part 2:
Whatever the case may be, I think the videos definitely appeal to parents who either currently watch Sesame Street with their kids (or DVR it) or who will potentially do so in the future. I’m in the latter camp and I’m wondering what’s taken me so long.
Either way, enjoy the videos. They may not be the joint Elmo/Ricky Gervais interview from a few years back, but what is?
I think it shows the enduring popularity of the characters Henson created and the ingenuity of the rights holders (CPB & Disney) to use the internet in novel ways.
Enjoy the videos and I hope to see you at the theatre this Thanksgiving!