I’m not usually one to complain about sickness. I’m almost never sick (at least not sick enough to be bed-ridden) and everyone has aches, pains, bumps and bruises, so why get bogged down discussing pedestrian maladies?

But then I woke up the morning of Thanksgiving and my left ear felt like I’d just spent an hour underwater. I could hear just fine, but I heard a boat-rocking, sea-sickness-inducing sloshing noise every time I’d yawn or smile or wiggle my ears. [Side note: I learned to wiggle my ears by watching Pat Sajak do it at the end of an episode of Wheel of Fortune when I was 7. I was a nerdy child.]

Despite my best and careful efforts to remove real/imagined liquid from my ear with the aid of a cotton swab, the discomfort remained. I began to imagine that I had some kind of sentient sponge living inside my head, soaking up available moisture in spite of me, and wicking it into his evil lair:

One famous porifera declined to comment for this post.

But having something living inside of your head is crazy, right? It’s like something out of a sci-fi movie, or is it?

If you’re thinking to yourself “This is Ceti Alpha Six!” and replaying it in your head with a Russian Accent, point to you, my friend.

So now, at the behest of my betrothed, I’m taking a decongestant, even though I don’t feel congested in my head, just my left ear. No headache or real pain, just this strange “wet” feeling.

Gah! Disgusting!

More news of the weird tomorrow. Today, try not to scratch your ears, I dare you.