It’s Friday morning and I’m upset with the “bagel situation”. Again.

“But, Seth” you say, “aren’t you eating oatmeal for breakfast everyday?”

Not on Fridays, my friend. Fridays are bagel days. Glorious, gluttonous bagels with extra-fat-added shmear and poppyseeds, thank you very kindly.

At least Fridays were bagel day.

Sure, we still have bagels here in the office to mark slack day, but it hasn’t been the same since some time around Thanksgiving. One fateful day in November the bagels changed. They and I haven’t been the same since.

The bagels are smaller, harder and aren’t as varied in flavor. The shmears are likewise inadequate when compared with their prior heyday.

I am officially a bagel snob and I want my old bagels back. I will not rest until I am afforded the luxuries to which I have grown accustomed.

In the interim, I’m going to go have a bagel.